Affirmation

So I'm trying to figure out where this blog fits into my life.

I don't want to seem unprofessional.. but yet at the same time I have the urge to be distastefully honest. It's been so long since I've written and actually meant it. Often my thoughts are edited in my mind like well honed manuscript but they die before meeting paper. Afterbirth is what I actually say.


Okay now I'm being too poetic.


I ended up watching some SNL Digital shorts tonight. Of late I've been a little lethargic and a bit bored with most things I stumble upon (excepting my new love Yoga). But I suddenly felt the urge to watch every short. I tried and got 10 shorts in.

What it did most definately accomplish was dredge up some old feelings I have for an "ex" (he looks like Adam Samburg). Not a burning I want to see him now. But a melancholy "Jeez, what if? Where is he?" I tried to call him but I got a full voicemail box. No big surprise there. More people love him than Oprah, I'm only one of many.

I felt a bit empty and leaned back against the couch. I had been crouched over my computer. And then from behind came a surprise attack. Austin surrounds me from all sides, no way to escape. He engulfs me in his arms and kisses me warmly on the cheeks. He is an all encompassing love cozy and I am comforted. And he knows this.... he knows that I feel good but doesn't know why. Doesn't know how perfect his timing is.

And I remembered "Why".

Why I wasn't with the "ex" (quote marks necessary).

We let the chasm of "What if"s surround us to often. And the echoes that bounce off the sides often drown out the scenery.

I need to remember this.

That I am loved and lucky - S

P.S. He just made me popcorn and put on a DVD. Better go enjoy the scenery.